Guest blogger: Sarah Murray

Every once in awhile, throughout the annals of human history, the planet earth is graced with the presence of a special individual who excels on so many levels and in so many profoundly ass-kicking ways that it makes you wonder what the point of all the rest of us boring idiots is, other than to stand in awe of THE GREAT AND SPECIAL ones. 

Mostly you only get to see the chosen few, like, on tv and stuff - you know like David Blaine or Paula Poundstone or that guy who played Mr. Belding on Saved by the Bell. 

BUT, if you get really lucky you might get to meet one of these people in person .  AND SOMETIMES, once in a very great while, you get to sing karaoke songs with one of them in Istanbul.

Lo! it is written. 

Anyway, all of y'all following this blog are no doubt aware that Ann "mistress of ceremonies" Morgan is probably among the top 3 most kickassical people currently on the face of the planet.  Though I am usually very dull and slow, this fact I think I knew right from THE BEGINNING, when I first met Ann in the summer of 2008 at the second field season of survey at the Saronic Harbors Archaeological Research Project.  Before Ann's arrival in our village, the legend of her comedic prowess had already circulated widely.  Though I was intimidated by the legend at first, Ann and I soon bonded over our mutual distrust and hatred for one another, and since then I have taken to visiting her all over the place even though I'm never invited.  Our friendship to date has been 40% pure awesomeness, 30% painfully intense laughing sessions, and 30% forgotten altogether, due to drunkenness.

[forgotten, due to drunkenness]

Thus it came to pass that even though I currently suffer from severe addiction to the California-based pleasures of Nachos and Miller Lite, I decided to fly to Istanbul at the beginning of the month to see how the European Sport Capital of 2012 was handling its notorious new Texan transplant.  Also, Efes is pretty good. 

Since you have already got the gist of our week of shenanigans all up in 'da 'bul from your main mang Ann, I will dispense with a traditional narrative format and instead provide a list of reasons that this trip was better than all other vacations I've ever had.  AND let the record show that Stanford University has sent me on some REALLY epically good vacations throughout the years - Star Wars sightseeing with my homeboys in Tunisia, ballerest December Crete-a-palooza awards two years running, $14,000 Turkey circumnavigation, etc. etc. etc. However, these all pale when compared to the wonders of Morganween.  Behold!, the top 10 wonders -

1.    Istanbul karaoke, beyond ALL possible expectations. Karaoke night was a hazy but very pleasant progression from the totally empty strip-club like atmosphere of the first stop, to the more rowdy stage-based scene where we seriously American Idol quality KILLED the Whole New World duet (edward said, eat your heart out…), to the other weird clubs we went to (after the brownout set in) where young Turkish hipsters sat around on divans and sang folk songs.  I DON'T KNOW if they really appreciated our late late night rendition of Destiny's Child's Say My Name.  Their loss!

[I would’a photoshopped our faces on this but I’m tooooo lazy.]

2.    Thanks to just the latest of Ann's miracle workings, I somehow played an entire intramural soccer/football game without re-injuring my old torn ACL, which usually ends up looking like a giant ass squashy grapefruit whenever I attempt more than nursing-home approved maneuvers.  And we kicked a guy in the nuts. Oi!

[the old grapefruit knee – NO MATCH for a miracle.]

3. PROBABLY the biggest Minute Maid can anyone has ever seen. Full stop.

[“Giants must have lived there!”]

4. Watermelon based art.  'Nuff said!

[Provocative. Rectangular. Juicy. – discuss.]

5. Chickens with pants!

[dumb chicken, why you got pants on?]

6. Kentucky Fried Chickens!

[How do you say double down in Turkish?]

7. A LOT of great stereotype-themed carnival rides @ shlocky insta-Ayvansaray Turko-Carnival. Surely gonna go into the Lonely Planet sometime soon.

[wah-hoo-wah]

[mariachi mustache time]

8. I watched Ann Morgan fight off a gypsy dog, Chuck Norris style.  *Swoon*

9. Ann Morgan is like FLUENT in Turkish - there were so many translational feats of strength.  Top three: she basically got my friend Foivos a mail-order bride, successfully made a joke to a street vendor about his gaint novelty sunglasses, and was able to tell us that the bottle of Grey Goose we were about to buy cost like $700 all without using ANY English whatsoever.  Hostest. With. The. Mostest.

10. TOO MUCH other awesome stuff to mention.  The main point is that you all better GET over there, hang out with Ann, and see the living legend in action for yourself.  It's okay, I wasn't invited either!

Things I did with Sarah Murray

 (a bulleted and illustrated tale)

Sarah Murray is graduate student at Stanford and she works on something to do with the late bronze age and early iron age of Greece.  Sarah and I met a few years in Korphos, Greece.  We were worked together for two summers on a survey of Bronze Age harbor, Kalamianos.  This was an amazing project—I worked there for three years and always had the best time—but it was made even better by the presence of Sarah Murray.  I like to think our friendship is the stuff of legend because it seems to be the case that every time we get together, there are adventures and they are epic.  Perhaps, even worthy of song, but I have yet to put it all to music.  Istanbul was no different when Sarah and her friend, Foivos, came to visit—all because they found cheap airfare--for a week in November.  Here is a taste of our adventures.

My friend, Sarah Murray

Wednesday, Nov. 2

We drank bad homemade raki and caught up in the RCAC bar

Beers on a rooftop, beers in a bar and saw a fat cat (I still him in the neighborhood)

[a different cat, but you get the idea]

We came up with the greatest AIA panel ever: the mock panel—where all the papers, participants, and audience take on the persona of every annoying type that you’ve experienced at a conference.  Call for papers to be circulated soon.

We played football (I believe, you know it as soccer) and totally dominated….or at least didn’t humiliate ourselves.  Best women they’ve ever seen play.

We went to Meyhanes with fellows and had good raki

We had brunch in Ciangir.  A cat sat in my lap the whole time.  I had huevos rancheros

Bienali. Art festival.  Saw a cubed watermelon. Ate an apple.  String messages and string panoramas.

Tea on the coast.  Crazy fishermen—still not sure what they are catching.  Water game, where you shoot balloons.  Turns out, they are real guns

Happy hour.

Tapas.

A night of epic karaoke:  Between my apartment at Taksim square (10-15 min. walk) there are 6 karaoke bars.  We sampled five of them.  Went into each one, sang a song, drank a beer and then left.

                Bar 1: Livin’ on a Prayer

                Bar 2: Don’t Stop Me Now

                                A Whole New World (too brilliant for words to express how much we nailed this one)

                Bar 3: Sweet Caroline

                Got popcorn—it was awful         

Bar 4: Lame, we left

                Bar 5: Say My Name

                                Total Eclipse to close the night

A little college football.  I fell asleep before the LSU v. Alabama game (2am my time)

Flew solo in Ciangir with a leisurely lunch, saw a guy in a reindeer sweater with fur trimmed hood (apparently this is the ‘in’ look this winter—place your orders now!), wandered around the vintage stores, made friend with a local jewelry artist who loves Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Sarah for happy hour.  KFC dinner.  Party at the Ritz.

Roll into the Ritz, through security.  Totally gansta.  Swimming pool, hot tub, steam room, sauna.  Those places get really hot! 

Beer run.  There was something about two girls coming to meet a guy at the Ritz, hanging out in the hot tub and then leaving after two hours that made the security guards laugh. 

Best breakfast that ever existed—huge table of bread (fillers), 6 kinds of olives, ten kinds of cheese, yogurt, cereal, smoothies, juices, fruit, meat (including salami!), and a hot bar—omelets, heart-shaped waffles, pancakes, hash browns, hallumi cheese, and bacon!!!  Amazing, wonderful bacon!!!  I had two platefuls.

Ferry to the walls.  We found a Turkish carnival!

Turkish carnival music is crazy techno music.  Interesting.

We pass the Istanbul motorcycle police force, whose mascot appears to be a dolphin. Motorcycle police dolphin—it’s just begging to be made into a movie!

We walk the walls, which span across the peninsula that stretches into the Sea of Marmara and houses the Old City.  These were the ancient city walls built by Theodosius (5^th century AD).  A vast majority of the wall circuit remains intact and is incorporated into the urban fabric of the city in a variety of ways.  It was only with the use of gun powder and cannons that the walls were able to be over taken (1453).  While sketchy at times, and not always clean, the walk is super fun.  About 5.6 km. 

[the beginning of the walls]

[local neighborhoods]

[Lazy Sarah already needs a break]

[admiring excellent restoration]

[stopping to smell the turkish roses]

getting our swoll on

Don't cry for me Argentina/Istanbul...

Pigeon market!

box of birds!

Child jousting!

Ancient and modern

Wall Kitten!

Shopping!

Wall garden

creepy scarecrow

An interesting traffic predicament

A touch of fall

Inside the walls

The end of the walls!

When we finally finished, we bought beer and sat down in a park to drink and figure out how we were getting home.  A gypsy woman came by, asked for a smoke.  She sat down and brought her two gypsy dogs over.  One came up to me.  He put his head on the bench seat, and I pet him.  He put his head on my lap, and I pet him.  He put a paw on my leg, and I pet him.  He put both paws on the bench and I started freaking out.  He decided to get playful, chewing on my arm and leg.  I stealthily distracted him with my foot, so he started chewing on my shoes, but it was clear that our break was over and we were determined now to get a cab home instead public transportation. 

We made it home.  Met up with Foivos.  I made friends with three Turkish women at the bar who toasted being single and went on and on about how rude and unromantic Turkish men were.  Sarah and I said that it wasn’t just Turkish men J  We laughed.  We went to dinner.  Meyhanes, raki.  Discovered the ridiculous mark up on liquor by paying way too much for Grey Goose…this was after a hilarious incident at the ATM where I ended up depositing 10tl before taking out 100 because I couldn’t understand the Turkish instructions.  A late night at the RCAC.

Wake up late.  Into the old city.  Monday-Wednesday of that week was a national holiday in Turkey (Bayram).  I had the week off and it seems that all of Turkey did as well because the city was flooded with Turkish tourists.  Istiklal was packed—more than normal, especially for a weekday night—and the walk to Sultanahmet was almost unbearable.  Wall to wall people, pushing.  And the street peddlers were at full swing with fish sandwiches, street meatballs, and every kind of knick-knack, clothing item, or crazy possessed robot kitten.  Had a laid back night—a few drinks at the Red River bar (a John Wayne style touristy bar in the Old City), pizza in Ciangir, wine bar in Cihangir, then back to the institute. 

Overall, an amazing and exhausting trip, which adds to the ever-growing legend of Sarah Murray.  I can't wait til our inevitable meet up in Athens come January J

Oh yeah.  And then I made chili.  And then I made chili cheese nachos.